I dislike years, at least the existing alive therein. I've finally managed to become a bit less YouTubey*, by the internet going to shit and the software I can actually operate becoming so janky I'm beginning to regret pirating it. I can barely be bothered to make videos lately, and/because the software feels the same. I could get other software but I don't feel very motivated. Things I want to express, I trust my songwriting literacy more than bothering to script and edit something that doesn't even get views. The songs don't get listens, but they're at least an impression of art.
*...250 items uploaded if you include Shorts, song performances, and other shitware.
I think my stuff sinks in the age of the algorithm, so I wanted to highlight some highlights:
video-esque
The Pulp mockumentary is better than the Suede one. It was actually written for this format. The songs are even scrappier but the delivery is more refined. And it's only slightly been noticed, so, notice.
People act impressed by my heavy-handed piano style. I decided to give it away for free. I swear you can learn to play from this video.
A foray into longtube, and a return to mockthroughs:
and what music videos from me are gonna be like (at least this one's Landscape):
scrappy music
but then there's the eleven too many albums of alleged music. vaniloquence, seamstress and Self; pity. have the same kind of vibe, scratching around the tidbit concise gripes I come up with without much effort or detail, but still some worthwhile ideas and a goodsongeach.
Shihaku escaped the minimalist approach a bit by every song being 4 minutes something, with a couple of the best Absentine rejects, attempts to address different vibes of lamentation, and bookend tracks among my best ever.
Burrowing Terminal was meant to be the last of my pouts in this format. Tbh several prior pouts were, but I kept getting hurt and finding I can put it to music. my partner[complex] died, & I learned the extent they were lying to me, which at least made me understand their avoidance and long-term mistreatment. You can see my bereavement across years of songs; I wasn't sure it was healthy to be public about but now I am.
so at the time of that one I thought I was wrapping it all up kinda. The hubris!
I prefer to collect my more extrospective songs into separate collections, hence I Thought the Lore. They're the kinds of things I used to make music videos for, and still slightly can, but right now I'm cool with it being in this format. Genre Revelator is also this. I tried doing a lot more layered recordings, but I need to save that chutzpah for actual Absentine.
then three more whine compilations, oops. Glower Ballads is hopefully that, and has Not An Impostor and Soft on it. I think that's a higher-quality set in total. Detailed is quite harsh and quantitative. I think that's more sad than it is good, but it's VERY sad so it could be a bit good? Lover returns to the format at the start of the year, but now stuck composing everything in E flat.
I'd like to wind this habit down, but it's still how things are occuring to me. I'm trying to encounter less social angst to write about, and to focus on proper Absentine tracks. and I think I'm gonna do this at least partly via doing more songs in this format! but in a way that kinda aims toward better creative actualisation. still pun album titles though.
Serious? music
Oh yeah, that reminds me. Actual music.
I'd intended new Absentine continuously since the last album in late 2023 as I'd already written loads, but I was struggling to concentrate, and having a stressful time. I found that all my prior ideas slipped away underneath things I was writing anew. It was far from easy but I eventually managed that as an album, and it's meant to be one of the best things I've made, so it could be here as a reward for anyone who's actually read this.
https://absentine.bandcamp.com/album/of-the-deadlands I have struggled increasingly with executive dysfunction. Between 2020 and 2023, I really felt unable to get around to recording this album, despite not struggling to write songs. It's cruel to sum up such frustrating impotence in a quick sentence, but I'm writing about the actual output: after a constipated trickle of tracking across the years, I eventually unlocked the ability to record in a large batch of focus in November 2023, amassing all my Annual Leave, with material I'd written across years prior. 1. Deadland melody/"The Haunt" This melody came to me while wandering literal rubble of Hanley. It was an era close to pandemic restrictions, but either way, that's what my home city is now. I know I am privileged compared to many other countries and localities, but I have witnessed our apocalypse. It was with this melody that the album gained identity, and form. Pretentious subtitle is a result of Deadla...
I make a lot of stuff and don't have a lot of audience. Here's some stuff from this year that's maybe even worth attention. Cut down on video work this year; only published 150. You don't have to catch all of them. We're All Going To Abilene! I swear this could be on Sesame Street. And the Abilene Paradox ought to be known by more people. The papercraft puppet video went better than I expected. The character illustrations are based on those from the first documentary version of The Abilene Paradox, which is a hoot. But so is this. Gouverneur Morris Maybe a different founding father deserved an excruciating rap musical. This is more clever than it is enjoyable, but you're used to that. Absentine stuff I almost finished an album this year, but didn't quite manage and instead made seven albums (see below). I was working on ideas from the last few years, but newer ideas eclipsed them and the whole project went outta whack. Work-in-progress currently lingers her...
https://absentine.bandcamp.com/album/in-every-crease In the long term, I've been very insecure about the potential power imbalances of writing songs about the choices of people I know, about personal experiences including others' actions. The writer assumes a pulpit, where we encourage conflation of musical virtue with being correct, and there's no right of reply. It's also petty. The specifics of one relationship aren't of much creative use outside of their properties applicable to other relationships. Here's a project in which I can no longer claim distance from that role. I think I'm justified: my life was significantly upended by a long-term-absent friend who suddenly surfaced and insisted on being my partner, which I resisted reasonably then fell for when they constructed enough deceit to lead me thus. They were very mentally unwell and manipulative and harmful, and now they're dead and it's got nothing to do with me, I swear. It's also not ...
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